a fan who has always stood by her status, the news kinda struck me hard the other day. this year justin and i are surrounded by all kinds of death and even new life. we were literally catching his pet chickens to cook them when his cousin told us about the death! it sounds odd, but that's exactly what we were doing.

Jutin's pet chickens have been really destroying the yard and his relationship with the neighbors! so he took back his oath not to kill them and decided to just do it. One would be set aside to celebrate his older cousin's life, one would be set aside for his new nephew, and the last one was decidedly going to be dedicated to MJ.

Justin's grandfather died at the beginning of the year, on cancer. It was a strange thing because at his age, he was so strong- mentally and physically. he led by example as a homeless boy turned famous jockey in the Philippines and even in his old age preferred to walk across cities to his destination. When Justin went to visit him in the hospital, his cousin's son was born in the same hospital.

Dean -justin's older cousin- also has cancer. Currently, it is terminal. It came as a surprise at a coincidental doctor's visit. He is only in his 30s and I had grown pretty close to his son, who we would hang out with all the time since they moved across the street, last summer. I met him at a time when I knew so many of Justin's friends and family that I could literally socialize for him at his parties. I had already accepted his family as my own. The last time I visited Dean, Justin's sibling was in the building to a prenatal check up. The baby was born this week and is named partly after their grandfather.

Another time, when Justin had just been telling me that death was getting closer, the kids at church found a sick cat in the church house. We drove it out to the SPCA and eventhough I had made plans to keep the beautiful creature, it died in my lap while we awaited assistance. It did make me cry, especially remembering how the cat's cries reminded me of a child's. My best friend's "baby", a cat named "Persian" had gotten pretty close to death that week. My friend couldn't concentrate on any homework because she'd known that at since she was 5 (she's 22, today). Her cat was spared, thankfully. This cat, who could have gotten a home with me,
an actual Persian, was not spared. We went next door to visit the adoptable dogs, to console ourselves.

everywhere, and it's funny how the death of someone I never met is oddly heavy.


I grew on his videos during babyhood (at which point he made me think he was androgynous). I got in trouble for bringing his record in for show and tell in kindergarten and then saved the same Thriller record from the trash when i was a kid... I also got in trouble with the cops when I called them while trying to prove to my brother I knew Michael Jackson's phone number... which I guess I thought included "9-1-1".

of my first memories in our first house was moonwalking on polished floors and almost breaking my tail bone! There was that awkward documentary that came out, when I was a stupid middle schooler defending a celebrity i thought i knew entirely, which made me think about the cost of stardom and fandom...
Suddenly everyone is a Jackson fan, today. Even the people who drove him crazy. Isn't it funny how we can turn against someone who gave so much through his music? And then either claim him again after he's dead, or leech on those that do? That's the price of being famous, outspoken, unique and talented- a public figure.

High school, his first single on his comeback was the song that represented my first boyfriend (EW! haha... thank god that one's gone!). I remember crying when he cried on TV during the televised comeback- strange because back then i didnt cry out of sentimentality! Everyone above the age of 6 seems to know at least one of Michael Jackon's phases in the limelight.

The end of an age! It was always a joke that he should never die, and would be in kryostasis! The legend that was so easily a target of love and hate is just human. Now it's just also making me think how he defined so much of my parents' cool factor and his death makes me think -again- about their time.... esp with those kids left behind, who will truly never have someone who could give them/understand the exact relationship their father did. No matter how much i thought i knew this stranger, his music is classic and it makes me think a lot about how the ripples of an outcast/talented person can speak to so many.

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